Aimee's Interview

Aimee Shafner interviewed a single mother from her hometown. This mother of 3 teenage girls has a Bachelor of Science in Nursing and is in the process of obtaining a Master’s. She is an elementary school nurse as well as a “night nurse”, caring for newborns. She does not receive child support, because her “soon-to-be ex husband” has not worked in 2 years. She has been separated from the girl’s father for 4 years due to his alcohol abuse.

In response to her questions, Aimee received a lengthy email about trying to live a “normal” life amidst the stress, struggles and sacrifices of being a single mom. I have extracted from her email some key paragraphs and phrases that were the most helpful in understanding the life of a single parent.

“I worked nights at the hospital while the girls were young and would make sure they were in bed before I left for my shift –and a babysitter came in at 6am so he could leave for work, therefore he had little to no responsibilities even from the start (probably my own survival techniques) I can not remember him ever going to a parent teacher conference (maybe another strategy to “hide” his disease from the rest of the world) It is hard to admit you don’t have the perfect home, with the perfect children and the white picket fence!!I think some unfair assumptions people make is that if a child has problems it must be because their parents are divorced. Whereas I think my children are much better off without their dad in the house.”

“…Have my children somehow been deprived from a “normal” home life growing up in a dysfunctional two parent household and then in a single parent household? Although they probably had to grow up a little faster and be a little more responsible than others their age – in the long run the house was happier and more serene once it became a single parent household. I think the girls are more mature in some respects but have trust issues when it comes to forming new relationships. This is something they will have to work hard at overcoming in the future.”

“…I would have had to work evenings (4-MN) if I didn’t do the overnights. I didn’t want their lives to change any once we were separated, so I had to do everything I could to make ends meet and not have them give up any activities. This sometimes was a hard lesson in humility – asking for scholarship at St. B’s, the church and neighbors helping re-do the house, my mom lending me money, asking for scholarship for sports fees etc… The hardest thing is admitting you need help and can’t do it all alone.”

“Ann received financial aid from the college. But other than that, we don’t get any aid. To get aid from the government the income levels are pretty low”

“ …Sometimes I think society thinks that because you are a single parent you have financial needs or that it will have detrimental impact on your children. For me, the hardest part is admitting you need help or letting others into your world. The other thing that is most difficult to deal with is the guilt that my children did not have a “normal” childhood and how will this affect them in the future”

In my next blog, I will analyze and then apply this interview to the stereotypes previously discussed.