From my research as well as the interviews, I feel like I’ve stepped into the shoes of a single parent. The stereotypes about how “the child of a single parent will always grow up to be a damaged delinquent” have proven to be circumstantial. The outcome of a child has more to do with how their active parent(s) raise them more then the number of parents involved. I think everyone; (even single parents) would agree that raising a child with two involved parents is ideal. However, things don’t always work as planned. It is how you recover from bad situations that can be the best example for your child.
Another thing I realized is that single parents can be anyone. Whether it’s some millionaire businessman, or a 50 year old woman, or that strangely dressed punk guy downtown, I cannot judge the capability of that person as a parent unless I’ve understood the entire situation. There is a plethora of ways one can become a single parent, and this doesn’t always have a negative effect on a family. Considering the single mother from Aimee’s interview, I’m sure she didn’t plan on being a single mom, but she had to roll with the punches to give her daughters the healthiest life possible.
From this investigation into the lives of single parents, I’ve learned more about the process anthropological research. I found that I really needed to study the subculture of single parenting as an anthropologist would, by actually delving into the field with an open mind. In an earlier blog entitled “Methodology”, I wrote that I would stay as objective as possible in doing my interview. As an anthropologist, it is wise to be objective in your research and not make assumptions about a subculture based on your own interpretations, experiences and values. However, I’ve also realized there is an element of empathy that is also necessary in understanding other cultures and subcultures. I am just a human being trying to understand another group of humans, and I think a little compassion can go along way as an anthropologist. Cultures, customs and countries put a barrier between peoples, but when we look at someone else’s life through and empathic lens, we are able to find understanding and connections to our own lives.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Stereotypes Unraveled
In my first blog I mentioned that some people assume drugs (including alcohol) or criminal offenses are always to blame for the missing parent. This is interesting to me because in both interviews, this actually was the case. The single mother left her husband because of his incessant drinking, and Brendon’s mother is involved with both drugs and a criminal record. I first mentioned this stereotype in hopes to disprove it, and while I still believe this is something that shouldn’t just be assumed, it seems that it is often true. I also thought there would be a greater number of single parents who were widowed, but my statistics showed this is a rare case.
The stereotype of single parents being uneducated was also covered. The mother interviewed not only has a Bachelor of Science in Nursing, but is still working toward her Masters. In addition, one of her daughters is attending Amherst College as a freshman; which also disproves stereotypes questioning the intellect of the children raised in a single parent home.
The stereotype of single parents being uneducated was also covered. The mother interviewed not only has a Bachelor of Science in Nursing, but is still working toward her Masters. In addition, one of her daughters is attending Amherst College as a freshman; which also disproves stereotypes questioning the intellect of the children raised in a single parent home.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Jay's Interview
When I went home a few weeks ago, I had a chat with my friend Jay about his life as a single parent. Jay is 26 and has a 2 year old son. Unlike the mother from Aimee’s interview, Jay has always been the primary caretaker of his son Brendon. Brendon’s mother has been continuously wrapped up in drugs and in and out of jail since before his birth. I asked Jay if he feels judgment or stereotyped for being a single parent. He told me most people are supportive of him, but he has encountered people who think they know what is best for Brendon without knowing the entire situation. People assume Brendon, “should be with his mother”, but obviously this is completely out of the question. He mentioned also how hard it is to still be fairly young, but have this huge responsibility.
Jay’s appearance also comes into play a lot when people see him with Brendon. Jay is constantly sporting a studded leather jacket and he used to be known around town as, “that guy with the mohawk and the baby”. Jay explained, “People look at me and assume I don’t know how to take care of my kid, but what they don’t realize is that I do take complete care of Brendon on my own 24 hours a day, 7 days a week , and I have done that since he was born”
Jay struggles financially to support his small family, as he is currently unemployed and receives some government aid, but no child support. This is something Jay spoke passionately about. He said that government aid for single parents is a “catch 22”. He could go out and get a job, but this could worsen his financial situation. He can only work part-time at minimum wage if he wishes to keep getting his funding. This is especially difficult because Jay already has the full-time job of being a father. So it would seem that getting a job would cause greater financial strain as well as cut out a lot of his time with his son. In the long run, he feels being with Brendon is more important.
Jay’s appearance also comes into play a lot when people see him with Brendon. Jay is constantly sporting a studded leather jacket and he used to be known around town as, “that guy with the mohawk and the baby”. Jay explained, “People look at me and assume I don’t know how to take care of my kid, but what they don’t realize is that I do take complete care of Brendon on my own 24 hours a day, 7 days a week , and I have done that since he was born”
Jay struggles financially to support his small family, as he is currently unemployed and receives some government aid, but no child support. This is something Jay spoke passionately about. He said that government aid for single parents is a “catch 22”. He could go out and get a job, but this could worsen his financial situation. He can only work part-time at minimum wage if he wishes to keep getting his funding. This is especially difficult because Jay already has the full-time job of being a father. So it would seem that getting a job would cause greater financial strain as well as cut out a lot of his time with his son. In the long run, he feels being with Brendon is more important.
Better Off Alone
From Aimee’s interview I was given an inside look at the struggles as well as the triumphs of a single mother. In her situation, she decided to separate from her husband for the benefit of her children. She wrote about trying to work through her husband’s alcohol abuse and make their marriage work, but his “disease” became too much for the family to handle. The father wouldn’t attend parent teacher, and was never involved in the girl’s life even when he was still living with them. She says she feels as though she has always been a single parent in a way.
She writes, “I think some unfair assumptions people make is that if a child has problems it must be because their parents are divorced. Whereas I think my children are much better off without their dad in the house.” This relates back to the Personal Responsibility Act and the other quotes stating that children in single parent homes are more likely to commit crimes, have behavioral problems etc. It seems that in this particular circumstance, the children would have been more likely to develop these problems had their father continue to live with them. These are things people don’t take into account when they assume a child in a single parent home is damaged. It seems like a lot of the time the damage comes before a husband and wife get divorced. Here, the culprit behind the unhappiness in the home was alcoholism, and once that was removed the home became more functional. This single mother states it perfectly when she says, “in the long run the house was happier and more serene once it became a single parent household.”
She writes, “I think some unfair assumptions people make is that if a child has problems it must be because their parents are divorced. Whereas I think my children are much better off without their dad in the house.” This relates back to the Personal Responsibility Act and the other quotes stating that children in single parent homes are more likely to commit crimes, have behavioral problems etc. It seems that in this particular circumstance, the children would have been more likely to develop these problems had their father continue to live with them. These are things people don’t take into account when they assume a child in a single parent home is damaged. It seems like a lot of the time the damage comes before a husband and wife get divorced. Here, the culprit behind the unhappiness in the home was alcoholism, and once that was removed the home became more functional. This single mother states it perfectly when she says, “in the long run the house was happier and more serene once it became a single parent household.”
Aimee's Interview
Aimee Shafner interviewed a single mother from her hometown. This mother of 3 teenage girls has a Bachelor of Science in Nursing and is in the process of obtaining a Master’s. She is an elementary school nurse as well as a “night nurse”, caring for newborns. She does not receive child support, because her “soon-to-be ex husband” has not worked in 2 years. She has been separated from the girl’s father for 4 years due to his alcohol abuse.
In response to her questions, Aimee received a lengthy email about trying to live a “normal” life amidst the stress, struggles and sacrifices of being a single mom. I have extracted from her email some key paragraphs and phrases that were the most helpful in understanding the life of a single parent.
“I worked nights at the hospital while the girls were young and would make sure they were in bed before I left for my shift –and a babysitter came in at 6am so he could leave for work, therefore he had little to no responsibilities even from the start (probably my own survival techniques) I can not remember him ever going to a parent teacher conference (maybe another strategy to “hide” his disease from the rest of the world) It is hard to admit you don’t have the perfect home, with the perfect children and the white picket fence!!I think some unfair assumptions people make is that if a child has problems it must be because their parents are divorced. Whereas I think my children are much better off without their dad in the house.”
“…Have my children somehow been deprived from a “normal” home life growing up in a dysfunctional two parent household and then in a single parent household? Although they probably had to grow up a little faster and be a little more responsible than others their age – in the long run the house was happier and more serene once it became a single parent household. I think the girls are more mature in some respects but have trust issues when it comes to forming new relationships. This is something they will have to work hard at overcoming in the future.”
“…I would have had to work evenings (4-MN) if I didn’t do the overnights. I didn’t want their lives to change any once we were separated, so I had to do everything I could to make ends meet and not have them give up any activities. This sometimes was a hard lesson in humility – asking for scholarship at St. B’s, the church and neighbors helping re-do the house, my mom lending me money, asking for scholarship for sports fees etc… The hardest thing is admitting you need help and can’t do it all alone.”
“Ann received financial aid from the college. But other than that, we don’t get any aid. To get aid from the government the income levels are pretty low”
“ …Sometimes I think society thinks that because you are a single parent you have financial needs or that it will have detrimental impact on your children. For me, the hardest part is admitting you need help or letting others into your world. The other thing that is most difficult to deal with is the guilt that my children did not have a “normal” childhood and how will this affect them in the future”
In my next blog, I will analyze and then apply this interview to the stereotypes previously discussed.
In response to her questions, Aimee received a lengthy email about trying to live a “normal” life amidst the stress, struggles and sacrifices of being a single mom. I have extracted from her email some key paragraphs and phrases that were the most helpful in understanding the life of a single parent.
“I worked nights at the hospital while the girls were young and would make sure they were in bed before I left for my shift –and a babysitter came in at 6am so he could leave for work, therefore he had little to no responsibilities even from the start (probably my own survival techniques) I can not remember him ever going to a parent teacher conference (maybe another strategy to “hide” his disease from the rest of the world) It is hard to admit you don’t have the perfect home, with the perfect children and the white picket fence!!I think some unfair assumptions people make is that if a child has problems it must be because their parents are divorced. Whereas I think my children are much better off without their dad in the house.”
“…Have my children somehow been deprived from a “normal” home life growing up in a dysfunctional two parent household and then in a single parent household? Although they probably had to grow up a little faster and be a little more responsible than others their age – in the long run the house was happier and more serene once it became a single parent household. I think the girls are more mature in some respects but have trust issues when it comes to forming new relationships. This is something they will have to work hard at overcoming in the future.”
“…I would have had to work evenings (4-MN) if I didn’t do the overnights. I didn’t want their lives to change any once we were separated, so I had to do everything I could to make ends meet and not have them give up any activities. This sometimes was a hard lesson in humility – asking for scholarship at St. B’s, the church and neighbors helping re-do the house, my mom lending me money, asking for scholarship for sports fees etc… The hardest thing is admitting you need help and can’t do it all alone.”
“Ann received financial aid from the college. But other than that, we don’t get any aid. To get aid from the government the income levels are pretty low”
“ …Sometimes I think society thinks that because you are a single parent you have financial needs or that it will have detrimental impact on your children. For me, the hardest part is admitting you need help or letting others into your world. The other thing that is most difficult to deal with is the guilt that my children did not have a “normal” childhood and how will this affect them in the future”
In my next blog, I will analyze and then apply this interview to the stereotypes previously discussed.
Statistics
Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support 2005, which focuses on the income of custodial parents, was released to the U.S. Census Bureau in 2007. The following statistics are retrieved from this document.
There are approximately 13.6 million single parents in the United States. That means that 21.2 million children (about 26% of children under 21) are raised by one parent. Approximately 84% of the custodial parents are the mothers, making just 16% custodial fathers. Out of the custodial mothers, 56% are raising one child, while 44% have two or more children.
Marital Status of Custodial Mothers:
In this vast majority of custodial mothers, 44% are currently divorced or separated, 33% have never been married, 22% are married (mostly remarried), and 1% are widowed.
Marital Status of Custodial Fathers:
57% of fathers are divorced or separated, 24% are currently married (mostly remarried), 18% are never married and 1% are widowed.
Employment of Custodial Mothers:
70% of single mothers are profitably employed, 50% work full time, year round, and 28% work part-time or only part of the year.
27.7% of mothers and their children live in poverty.
Employment of Custodial Fathers:
92% of custodial fathers are profitably employed, 74% work full time, year round, and 18% work part-time or only part of the year.
11.1% of custodial fathers live in poverty.
31% of all single parents receive public assistance, but only 6% of single parents receive TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families)
(Wolf, Jennifer. "Single Parent Statistics." 1 May 2008.)
There are approximately 13.6 million single parents in the United States. That means that 21.2 million children (about 26% of children under 21) are raised by one parent. Approximately 84% of the custodial parents are the mothers, making just 16% custodial fathers. Out of the custodial mothers, 56% are raising one child, while 44% have two or more children.
Marital Status of Custodial Mothers:
In this vast majority of custodial mothers, 44% are currently divorced or separated, 33% have never been married, 22% are married (mostly remarried), and 1% are widowed.
Marital Status of Custodial Fathers:
57% of fathers are divorced or separated, 24% are currently married (mostly remarried), 18% are never married and 1% are widowed.
Employment of Custodial Mothers:
70% of single mothers are profitably employed, 50% work full time, year round, and 28% work part-time or only part of the year.
27.7% of mothers and their children live in poverty.
Employment of Custodial Fathers:
92% of custodial fathers are profitably employed, 74% work full time, year round, and 18% work part-time or only part of the year.
11.1% of custodial fathers live in poverty.
31% of all single parents receive public assistance, but only 6% of single parents receive TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families)
(Wolf, Jennifer. "Single Parent Statistics." 1 May 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Children of Single Parents: Destined for Failure?
From my online research, I found many other blogs written about the struggle of being a single parent in the states today. One blog in particular, written by a student at NYU, caught my interest as it talked about the prejudices held against single parents. It discussed The Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act (PRWORA) that was passed in the U.S. in 1996. President Clinton passed the act as a welfare reform plan to increase employment among welfare recipients as well as “promoting responsibility” among single parents, especially in the way of paying child support. (HHS Fact Sheet. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Washington. 29 Apr. 2008)
Though the PRWORA had noble intentions, it also contained nonfactual stereotypes about single parents and their children. The act stated, “The negative consequences of an out-of-wedlock birth on the child, the mother, and the society are well documented.” The author of this blog went on to say this.
“The Personal Responsibility Act went on to make unsupported claims. It declared that unwed single mothers produced children who were more likely to commit crimes, have difficulty in school, and have emotional and behavioral problems. One can also deduce from the statement, ‘Marriage is the foundation of a successful society,’ that the Act aimed to attack divorced single parents as well as unwed single mothers. This Act served as a direct attack on the rising number of single parent families in the United States that ‘threatened’ to recreate what the American Family looked like (Dowd 1997: 3-4).” (Jones, Katherine. "Stereotypes Plaguing the Single Parent Household." Associated Content. 6 Sept. 2007.)
Jones’ blog, as well as the quotes from PRWORA, make it clear that the single parent household is still a target for judgment even in today’s politically correct society. However, it is not just the parents who are being stereotyped, but their children as well. It is assumed a child will grow up to follow a similar path to his parent(s). It is also assumed that a child raised in a single parent household is always unhappy and deals with abandonment issues and insecurities.
From a site listing references and quotes on issues of family structure, I found some shockingly judgmental quotes about domestic violence, crime and poverty. They are basically saying, if you are a child raised by a single parent, you’re automatically destined for a future as a violent, broke criminal.
"The strongest predicators of domestic violence are single parent households, unmarried couples (often a biological mother and her children with a boyfriend unrelated to the children either by birth or by acceptance of responsibility), and unsupervised or under supervised foster care situations." (Elshtain, Jean Bethke. "Family Matters: The Plight of American's Children." The Christian Century. July 14-21, 1993, pp. 710-712)
"The absence of marriage, not race, is the major factor in explaining crime rates and poverty. The rise in crime is tied to the disintegration of marriage. The impact on the child is significant and can be permanent. Out of wedlock birth and growing up in a single parent family means that the child is more likely to suffer from poorer health as a newborn (if a very young mother), an increased chance of dying, retarded cognitive and verbal development, lower educational achievements, lower job attainment, increased behavior and emotional problems, lower impulse control, retarded social development, etc. The root cause of these ills lie not in poverty, but in the lack of married parents. ( Fagan, Patrick F. "Rising Illegitimacy: America's Social Catastrophe." Heritage Foundation. FYI No. 19, June 29, 1994.)
Though the PRWORA had noble intentions, it also contained nonfactual stereotypes about single parents and their children. The act stated, “The negative consequences of an out-of-wedlock birth on the child, the mother, and the society are well documented.” The author of this blog went on to say this.
“The Personal Responsibility Act went on to make unsupported claims. It declared that unwed single mothers produced children who were more likely to commit crimes, have difficulty in school, and have emotional and behavioral problems. One can also deduce from the statement, ‘Marriage is the foundation of a successful society,’ that the Act aimed to attack divorced single parents as well as unwed single mothers. This Act served as a direct attack on the rising number of single parent families in the United States that ‘threatened’ to recreate what the American Family looked like (Dowd 1997: 3-4).” (Jones, Katherine. "Stereotypes Plaguing the Single Parent Household." Associated Content. 6 Sept. 2007.)
Jones’ blog, as well as the quotes from PRWORA, make it clear that the single parent household is still a target for judgment even in today’s politically correct society. However, it is not just the parents who are being stereotyped, but their children as well. It is assumed a child will grow up to follow a similar path to his parent(s). It is also assumed that a child raised in a single parent household is always unhappy and deals with abandonment issues and insecurities.
From a site listing references and quotes on issues of family structure, I found some shockingly judgmental quotes about domestic violence, crime and poverty. They are basically saying, if you are a child raised by a single parent, you’re automatically destined for a future as a violent, broke criminal.
"The strongest predicators of domestic violence are single parent households, unmarried couples (often a biological mother and her children with a boyfriend unrelated to the children either by birth or by acceptance of responsibility), and unsupervised or under supervised foster care situations." (Elshtain, Jean Bethke. "Family Matters: The Plight of American's Children." The Christian Century. July 14-21, 1993, pp. 710-712)
"The absence of marriage, not race, is the major factor in explaining crime rates and poverty. The rise in crime is tied to the disintegration of marriage. The impact on the child is significant and can be permanent. Out of wedlock birth and growing up in a single parent family means that the child is more likely to suffer from poorer health as a newborn (if a very young mother), an increased chance of dying, retarded cognitive and verbal development, lower educational achievements, lower job attainment, increased behavior and emotional problems, lower impulse control, retarded social development, etc. The root cause of these ills lie not in poverty, but in the lack of married parents. ( Fagan, Patrick F. "Rising Illegitimacy: America's Social Catastrophe." Heritage Foundation. FYI No. 19, June 29, 1994.)
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